Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are not fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely intentional:).
One fine November Sunday morning, I was feeling darn bored. Waking up normally around 9, I started contemplating on finding a way to get rid of the gripping dreariness. Finally I heaved myself out of the bed to find my friend (let’s call him Mr. X as he is the protagonist of this story and needs mention in almost all areas) who is usually not awake by that time, reading the newspaper. I smelled something fishy though I did not give voice to that. We went out together to have breakfast along with another roomie. Mr. X consumed considerably less than his regular standards. He got a phone call in between and I overheard words like ‘Some resort’ etc. He finally broke the ice and hinted that he has to go and meet a girl along with her family. The whole plot was put in order by his father yesterday (Now I realized the substance of the hour long phone call he went through the previous night). He was just being a pawn in the game. This was a kind of screening test for him before marriage. I could feel the uneasiness in his heart. The blueprint was like this – we have to reach the resort by 12:30 where the girl along with her brother, father and mother will be waiting.
We decided to get our generous friend’s bike which he left for our personal needs when he flew abroad (If he happens to read this anytime, Thanks man, Mr. X owes you his life ). But Mr. X did not know how to ride a karizma! (A bicycle wouldn’t have made any difference to him anyways!). I had to take the onus. Somehow we found the key for the bike which was kept very secretly by a friend who was far away at his hometown during that time. We called him up and he warned us that there is little fuel left. We secured the key and left the entire bike related documents intact. Just about 10-20 meters before the nearest petrol bunk, the bike went off devoid of its daily bread. We somehow heaved the bike till the station. Mr. X filled it with about 2 liters of high octane fuel which I was sure the bike wouldn’t have acquainted since his rightful owner left her into our apt hands. We returned home and I was happy to accompany him despite the veracity of the fact that this was a case of extreme entertainment for me. I had to make a good impression about my dear friend atleast:). First of all we had to find where this resort was. Mr. X dint have a clue where on earth this place was nonetheless he nodded to what the girl’s father told him like a staunch vassal. Being techies, we dint have to think twice how to unfold the puzzle. Google comes first in 99% of the cases. I procured my laptop and started googling for resort. Google maps gave us a very clear picture of the destination.
Mr. X was so nervous as if he was a calf getting ready to get slaughtered. He took a shower (or twice?) which was scarce by his benchmarks. He ironed his most expensive shirt (it looked as if it was just taken out of the garbage) and a decent jeans bottom. After half an hour of vigorous pressing he was able to get rid of half the wrinkles. Then he started smearing himself with all the available deodorant, perfume, hair gel, talcum powder etc. We started googling again with search strings such as ‘dating tips’, ‘how to approach a girl’ etc in the mean time. Mr. X was taught some valuable tips which would come in handy in the hours to come. Finally the time has come for us to leave. We reinforced the faith in Mr. X saying that he looks like that hero in 'that' remarkable movie (We actually meant Johnny Depp in the Pirates of the Carribean:)) . He finally settled on wearing a pair of shoes rather than ordinary sandals after raking the brains over that for around 10-15 minutes. But in reality, he was stinking which was far less than gratifying. But we reassured the debonair young bloke disclosing that he was ready to conquer….
Finally we embarked on our ‘Harley Davidson’ and initiated our odyssey by around 12:10. Half way through, Mr. X got a call from the girl’s father enquiring about our status. Mr. X assured him that we are nearby and will reach within five minutes. He then instructed me to take a left turn. After a helluva lot of begging to so many people we became dubious whether there was such a place in this world and turned conscious of the naked truth that we are lost. Eventually a small kid not more than 10 years came to our rescue like an angel sent by God. The girl’s brother was waiting in front of the gates of the ‘Resort’ when we finally arrived by 12:45. Mr. X greeted him while I parked the bike and joined him after a while. We were taken into the restaurant where we joined the whole family.
Mr. X: As-salam wa alaikum
Girl’s Father: Wa ‘Alaikum As-salam
Girl’s father would have been impressed by the servile God-fearing boy. But only those close friends knew how he stuttered when enquired about the nearest mosque, where he had been staying for the past 3 years. We were asked to order some food for lunch. Mr. X tried to convince them telling that we had breakfast just half an hour ago though he was starving. After quite an argy-bargy the girl’s father forced us to order some juice.
Following an array of introductions, Mr. X mustered all his might, let out a deep sigh and asked the girl, “What is your name?” The girl sure would have been taken aback, but she responded calmly by telling her name. Now the father stepped in saying that the boy and girl could go to some other table and talk for a while so as to know each other. Though our obsequious hero was prepared for this catastrophe, he bluntly disagreed. Eventhough the girl’s mother was not so conducive to this she finally gave way upon her husband’s prolonged insisting. Both the hero and the girl moved away for a pep talk. Now it was left to me to leave a worthy impression on my comrade.
Girl’s Father: Do you people cook your food at home?
Me: Not always, but we do cook our dinner at times.
Girl’s Father: Why not always?
I explained him the real meaning of flexi timings in the Bangalore IT industry which prevents us from coming back home every day at the same time.
Girl’s Father: What about weekends? You get a lot of time during weekends and so you can cook easily, right?
Me: (I thought of masking our indolence but honesty won eventually.) We take rest by sleeping late in the mornings during weekends and so we hardly get time for cooking.
Girl’s Father: Do you guys go out for movies etc.?
Me: We do go out for shopping but movies occasionally whenever some good regional movies (Malayalam) come.
Girl’s brother: Don’t you guys have any plans for higher studies?
Me: Mr. X will be commencing his higher studies very soon through his company provided scheme.( I was damn sure that he didn’t want to know about my higher studies plans:)
Ten minutes had passed since I started sipping a glass of musambi juice and there was no trace of Mr. X and the girl. I asked myself whether Mr. X gained enough nerve to ask all those topics he prepared.
Girl’s brother: Do you guys hangout on weekends?
Me: (I was jolted by this question, but I regained my poise quickly and evoked a smile) we go out for movies sometimes, nothing more than that.
About 20-25 minutes passed by and I was getting perturbed by the series of questions. Even the girl’s mother joined the spree. Fortunately Mr. X and the girl came back in time. The girl was smiling pleasantly while I noticed a bland expression on his face. None of them asked anything about their conversation. Suddenly the girl’s father started asking questions to Mr. X. I paid heed and found an uncanny similarity in the questions that he asked me with those he were asking Mr. X. One of them goes as follows
Girl’s father: Do you go out for movies etc.?
Mr. X: (Left out a loud laugh in his natural style. Usually a clap accompanies that laugh. Luckily this time he could hide that and if that was not the case we would have reached home earlier than expected) Yes, I don’t miss any. I see all of them.
The girl’s father squinted with a skeptical eye towards me asking as if how many more were there to come. I got a rap on my knuckles and I acted as if I haven’t even heard the question. The cross-questioning went on for another 10-15 minutes. I was trying hard to control my laughter on hearing Mr. X’s answers. Most of them were strict contradictions to my earlier statements. I strived to stray my mind away from the discussion by sending messages to our friends back home as a means to pacify my giggle. The girl’s father ‘forced’ us to have something for lunch for which we relented easily this time. We ordered something (in fact the girl’s father selected something from the fancy menu. The girl’s brother got his order first and he did not even wait for our orders to arrive and started munching. After tediously consuming a roti each we summoned back our previous point that we had brunch a little while ago. This bailed us out of the dessert course and eventually we bid then adieu. We kick started ‘our’ karizma and moved in the opposite direction. The first thing Mr. X wanted was to go far away from them. I asked him what did he to the girl for 20 minutes. He quipped, “She is a smart girl, man. She was asking me all the questions most of the time and could only ask a few that we prepared”. He laughed and added “I am hungry dude, lets go someplace to eat!”:)
Thus climaxed that hilarious episode! Whether it was a success or not was not the point, infact it turned out to be an absolute fiasco. But I truly enjoyed the show:)!
